Life, I wonder?

We all have our ups and downs, and in most cases I have more downs than up’s considering the fact that I deal with depression on a regular basis. I am trying to change that, and despite all of the great things I have going for myself. When I get really blue I can’t shake the feeling, and I tend to forget everything that should matter. I can’t explain why that happens. It just does, and it’s the most unfulfilling and selfish thing I could do to myself especially since I am not the only one I am living for. I was re assured by one of my best friends that I am not the only one going through this and that I am loved and I must remember that. I can’t beat myself down by dwelling on my mistakes. I just have to learn from this experience and move forward. Being on the road towards a better you is hard, but you are given these chances to make yourself stronger.I'm keeping positive thoughts in my mind so when I'm not surrounded by it I have inner peace. I stay nourished by people that truly care about my wellbeing, and I am definitely treating myself better every day I'm blessed to be on this earth.

Handle That.

Vagina Warrior

Vagina Warrior

I have always been Pro Vagina. My mom taught me to love myself and to love all of my girlie parts as well. That’s why I find it hard to believe when some women get uncomfortable when the subject comes up. Our bodies are amazing and our vagina and reproductive organs are so important to love and keep healthy. Life begins with the vagina and if you keep that in mind taking care of it should be easy. I am no OBGYN but I am a woman that did a lot of research on the human body and especially my female organs. Ever since the ‘puberty years’ It has been a hobby of mine to figure out ways to keep her ‘right and tight’ lol here are some things I try my best to live by and tips I have passed on to my sisters and friends and in turn I have been given information as well.

-The first thing is water, drink lots of water and that’s for over all health. Water keeps you hydrated, clears skin, gets rid of most head or body aches if it isn’t caused by a nature of illness or mechanism of injury. For your vagina it keeps your chemical balance on point, which means no odor and your oral sexual partner will be happy with your ‘refreshing’ taste

-Cleanliness is key. Use a mirror look at yourself know how you look down there, if there are any changes you will know. Also you want to make sure you leave no soap or vaginal secretions down there because that can cause a bacterial infection later down the line, which causes a nasty scent. DO NOT use any harsh soaps sprays or douches those will cause even worse infections. If you have any smell that is different from your natural vaginal scent you need to see your Doctor do not try to cover it up with ‘smell good’. I use a delicate hypo allergenic soap with no fragrance. Your vagina should smell like you not a rose garden.
I may be a little OCD but I like to be fresh and new for my sexual partner which means I am bathed before I have sex if its spontaneous I have no fragrance baby wipes and of course CONDOMS. Afterward I make sure to urinate and rinse down, it may be a lot for most but that’s what I do to take care of myself free of bacterial infections. I also stay away from ‘special’ lubrications everything is clean clear hypo allergenic fragrance free I don’t need any flavors tingling hot/cold sensations.

-You are what you eat, and your hobbies or addictions can mess you up too! The main things you want to stay away from is
Asparagus
Coffee
Cigarettes
Super sugary food
Too much alcohol

The stuff you should eat
Yogurt
Pineapples
Cranberry
All green vegetables
Acidophilus, Lysine and Vitamin E supplements which all take care of the natural ‘good’ bacteria that is suppose to be in your vagina as well as take care of your vaginal skin/flesh which is similar to the same skin in your mouth

-Exercise! Kegels work ladies! And you can do them all day every day and no one will ever know your doing it. It is simply squeezing your urinary muscles together as many times as you can. If you’re able to stop your stream of urine while using the bathroom you know how to do a Kegel exercise.

-Air out, sure thongs are sexy but leave those to a steamy day or evening. You do not want to wear synthetic underwear or anything that’s pulled in the crack of your pelvic/rectal area that wont let you breathe. Try to get 100% cotton underwear and go free every chance you can.

-OBGN check ups and PAP smears at least twice a year along with a breast exam. If you see or feel anything different be seen, you never know how serious little things could turn into. Never be scared to ask questions.

-Treat your Vagina good…because when she doesn’t feel good neither will you and that’s a whole other subject I will blog about on a different day.

Please share your Vagina Tips if you dare :)

Artist: YONI (Vuvla pendent original art)

Much Love to Eve Ensler, of Vagina Monologues. I got a chance to perform a piece from her book at the Apollo Theater, Harlem NY. I am a Vagina Warrior, until the Violence ends. www.vday.org

Handle That.

One Of My Many Sides

I am a woman of many talents. One of my favorites would have to be song writing and performing with a Band of some of my closest friends. We started off as an all girls Hip Hop crew called Top Shelf about 7 years ago, and last year after a few changes we became The Hip Hop/Funk/Soul/Rock collective called The Tendaloins www.myspace.com/tendaloins . We have performed at many venues in SF since the end of last year, and we are building quite a following. It’s a wonderful release being able to perform with and for my people.
We have 2 shows coming up this month. The first is at www.kimosbarsf.com Aug 7th, 2010 we will be performing with The Freshmen www.gofreshmen.com Priscilla Cruz and J-Billion http://Jbillion.com . Doors open at 9pm/cover charge is $7. We will be celebrating the birthdays of The Tendaloins own Mik, and Myself and Priscilla Cruz. You dont want to miss it.
Our Second show will be on August 21st at www.rock-it-room.com with Tony Vic www.myspace.com/tonyvic and The Dime www.myspace.com/thedimemusic we will blow your minds.
Last Sunday I had the honor of recording one of our songs ‘The Bay’ for my brotha Senbei’ mixtape. With my band partner Memphis Reigns www.myspace.com/mmechanics Senbei of Broken Halos and J.Bloom over the ’93 til’ Souls of Mischief instrumental. It came out real nice
Team Loins (Band mates)
Drums-Mik
Bass-Boo
Guitar-Riss
Female Vocals- Sesy
Male Vocals- Eli
Female Emcee- Pwarr
Male Emcee- Memphis Reigns

Handle That.

Almost there

Last year I decided I wanted to become an EMT not only because I enjoy helping those in need, but because I can take the ‘gore’ the job brings. My original career goal is to become a Mortician. So I think this would be the perfect place to start. I'm curious as to where it will take me or if I will even be able to handle it. At this point I am fully aware of what this job requires and I am ready. I took and passed the course with flying colors this past June and I have been studying night and day for the national registry exam. I kinda held off on scheduling my exam until last week, only because I was a little afraid. Not of failing, but at succeeding. If I pass this exam, it means my whole life is going to change. I will have a new life a new way of thinking and new stories to tell. I will have to work out a schedule around my 3 year old daughter and her school, but I have a great enough community to support me and help us out in the transition. I know I shouldn’t count my chickens before they hatch. But I believe in myself and I’m so excited about this field that I soon will be a part of. When I went on my ride a longs (EMT internship), I had a feeling of assurance like wow…I can do this, I want to do this and I will. Just the fact that I wont be in the same situation twice excites me.
I had the greatest Instructor John Cavanaugh, He made class so enjoyable and learning so fun. Even though I was happy to pass the course I didn’t want it to end. For that I am thankful, as well as my family and friends that pushed me with their encouraging words.
I take my Exam 07/31/10 please send good vibes out for me. If I don’t pass the first time I definitely will keep trying.

Handle That.

Shake Off The Blues

Sometimes life situations can have a negative effect on how you treat yourself and the people around you. What I have learned is that those experiences may not be that easy to get over, but they do eventually fade away. That does not mean you don’t have the right to allow your emotions to flow they way they should. Do not allow anyone to disrupt your healing process. The longer you hold in that pain the worst it will get. Stress and depression is a serious and REAL disease. It affects every aspect of your life mentally and physically. In my struggle with depression, I’ve been able to figure out different ways to lift myself up. I was able to figure out the trigger…once your was able to do that, you then have to figure out how to get it out of your life or a way to not let that certain thing bother you as much. The second step is to focus on your self such as making yourself happy and healthy. That way you can tend to the other people you love that love you just as much. Your life will not be a positive one if you continue to let ‘dark clouds’ that you don’t need hovering over you rain on your parade. It may take weeks or even months of being blue, but keep trying to do things that make YOU happy. Accept help and support from friends and family, never be ashamed for being human and having feelings that we all have. Its ok to cry believe me, it helps.

Handle That.

Independence

I was given a new meaning to this ‘Holiday’ of Independence. One of my best friends began her new life today. I am proud to say that I was able to be there to experience her joy. She has been a major part of my life for almost 20 years, and we have both become closer then blood. I am so thankful that she and her family were brought into my life. Because of their influence and am a better woman.
I am so lucky to have such a strong circle of friends that I can lean and depend on. We were put together so well we can almost read each other’s thoughts. Not too many people get to say that they have a group of women that they are really close to and could trust with their lives….well I can.
We constantly prove to each other how right we are for each other. Just in our movements alone. Today I got to see how great we are together. See, my best friend moved into her brand new place today. That may seem like nothing to most, but if you could only understand the things she has gone through in this past year. You would be jumping with excitement as well. She is proof of what a real, intelligent, strong, and beautiful Queen is. She refuses to take no for an answer. She knows what she wants and she goes after it. I have always admired her for that. She is powerful enough to control a room with her eyes, and when she speaks believe me you will know, she knows what she is talking about. This is a woman that has already changed so many lives and continues to do that in the work she does every day. Today her life changed, she has her own space in which to breathe, be free and be happy. When we moved her into her place it was wild to see how we moved. I can only describe it as a well-oiled machine. It was like we spoke with out speaking and moved to each other’s thoughts. There was no complaining or grunting. We could just feel the intensity of how great not only her future is going to be from this day on, but how now our lives our going to change. Her light now shines brighter therefore glowing upon us and with each ray we grow, build and love each other much more. We got her into her place in less then two hours, and I believe that was because we know with our powers combined we are unstoppable we know what true team work is. We are blessed to have each other. I know our Ancestors have been watching us working hard everyday. Just like they did for us, and I know they are smiling.

-Handle That.

Do You!

Hello, and welcome to Handle That. A Blog dedicated to a Life well Lived by going after things that I want. Whether they are big or small. What I have come to realize after much experience is that…NOW Is ALWAYS the time to go after my dreams. Through each entry I promise you will learn more about me and maybe a little about yourself. Lets no longer procrastinate or shy away from the things we really want and grow into who we were born to be.
Do You, is a statement I have used a lot this year, and it has kind of become my mantra. Not only has ‘Doing Me’ made me a Happier person, but it has allowed me to not stress off of things that really shouldn’t matter. I find excitement in being who I am and at the same time I appreciate the characteristics of the people around me. Doing you is not an easy task especially if you are doing it right. Being on your own path may cause different emotions in people. You will get some that are happy for you and love you no matter what. Then you will get people who will dislike your decisions, and I guarantee you will at least have one person that will get jealous. All of that comes with living, and if you are ready to live the way YOU want, be ready to weed out the elements you don’t need in your life. With that said you also need a sense of respect for yourself and others, loyalty to your community that supports you, and the intelligence to be able to train yourself to think ahead before you make any move. Not only do those decisions affect your world, but the world around you. Everything you do for yourself in some way shape or form is going to change some ones life. Like I said before, it is not an easy task. Everyone makes mistakes but at least when something doesn’t go right you can only blame your self. Which makes it easier for you to figure out what needs to be fixed, try again or move on. Do not worry about other people and which path they choose to lead. Focus on your own. Make yourself happy, love who you are from the inside out. Then if time permits you can lend a helping hand. You cannot spend your life stressing out about other peoples lives when you have your own life to take care of.
I am still on that path, trying to reach my own happiness. I wont ask you to join me but I am open to your guidance along the way.

Handle That.

P Delawarr

Much Love & Light to Erica Lee, who schooled me on the importance of self love in every way imaginable.